God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
