party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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