If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
