So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
