How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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