I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
