sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
