My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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