ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
