I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
