It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
