so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
