Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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