I'm so fucking centered right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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