dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
