Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
