Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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