i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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