I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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