I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
