In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
