A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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