I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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