She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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