You work out of a Hotel?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
