Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
