when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
