I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
