Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize