I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
