I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize