I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize