His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
