im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
