Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Panties = found
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
