Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
