whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
