May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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