maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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