But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
