A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
