Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is the high leading the old right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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