I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do cheetos always look like penises
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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