You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm having to shit out rocks
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
