singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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