I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
