my mouth tastes like poor choices
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
