someone get that fucking seahorse.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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