Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
