My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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