my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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