highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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