There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
