It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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