u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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