I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize