my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need moral support for this bender
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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