nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
