I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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