Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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