In the future we'll all be gay
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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