All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
