Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
