Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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