NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize