I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize